Freund receives conflicting information about his inclusion in his will

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DEAR ABBY: I have been close friends for 15 years with a wealthy elderly man who has become a mentor of sorts. He is now 90 years old and in poor health. He told me several times that I was named in his will, but when we met for lunch the other day he informed me that his entire estate would go to his live-in caretakers.

I was never in this friendship for money (he only recently got rich after inheriting his late sister’s estate), but it hurts to know that I was left out of his will with no explanation. I make a six figure income and I don’t need his money but it bothers me. When I ask about it, I seem understanding. If I don’t say anything, it gnaws at me. What can I do?

— PROMISE WITHDRAWN IN TEXAS

DEAR PROMISE: Stop worrying about the bill and ask him the question you should have asked when he told you he changed his will and eliminated you. Do it now. He’s 90 and in poor health, and you may not have long to get the answer to the question.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend, “Renee”, who I have known for several years. She often comes to my house in the evening for an hour to get away from her house. She’s a single mom living at home with her mother and two kids, so she sees it as an escape.

While I don’t mind her dropping by most days, a somewhat sensitive issue has arisen. Renee often wears tennis shoes without socks or shoes for a very long time without washing them. When she takes them off, they stink. She then tries to hide her smelly feet under the blankets I have on my couch. It does not help. I can still smell her and my blankets stink when she leaves.

This issue is embarrassing and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but honestly I’m tired of having to wash my blankets every time she comes over. Any suggestions on how I should deal with this?

— SUFFERING IN SILENCE

LOVE SUFFERING: Deal with it by asking your girlfriend to keep her shoes on and her feet on the floor when she’s at your house. If she asks why, tell her the truth and suggest washing her shoes — and her feet — regularly.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 9 year old girl. At the moment I don’t do any chores or get pocket money, but I would like to. How should I ask my parents? And how much money should I ask for?

— CHILD WHO NEED CASH

DEAR CHILD: Tell your parents that you want to talk to them about assistance. Ask what you could do to help around the house to earn one and how much they are willing to pay you for it. How much to expect depends on what your parents can afford. Ask them if you can negotiate to find an amount you can all agree on. And if you need more money, doing similar chores for a relative or neighbor might be a good place to start.

DEAR ABBY: My husband “Alex” and I are close friends with another couple who live out of state. During a virtual happy hour, our friend “Darlene” shared with us that her brother “Roy” is moving to our area and she suggested we become friends. She assumed my husband liked Roy. My husband answered honestly and said he doesn’t like Roy very much. When Darlene pressed hard and wanted to know why, Alex answered honestly again. He said he thinks Roy is obnoxious.

We’ve spent time with Darlene’s family and generally enjoy it, but we wouldn’t seek a relationship with Roy. That doesn’t mean Alex HATES him. When my husband made the comment, she didn’t respond or seemed upset. I texted her to apologize and she replied, “No need to apologize. I just didn’t know Alex didn’t like Roy.”

Two weeks later she confronted me about it. She said my husband was rude and that her brother hadn’t done anything to him that deserved to be called obnoxious, adding that Roy was a great person. We went back and forth and I gave her a break from communicating for a few days because she was obviously upset.

We raised the issue again today and she’s still upset. But she’s not mad at me. I suggested that she contact my husband but she thinks he should contact her. Honestly, I don’t think my husband did anything wrong, although he could have been more diplomatic. What do you think?

– STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: Her husband has been honest about his feelings, but he should have been more tactful than accusing Darlene’s brother of being “obnoxious.” If you and your husband value the relationship you have with her and her husband, then he should reach out to you and apologize for his lack of tact. However, neither of you should be guilty of interacting with Roy against your better judgment.

DEAR ABBY: I am broke and disabled and live far from friends and family. They know that I live alone and that I’m lonely with no friends around. Every time I try to save the $1,000 I need to visit, an urgent expense takes it away. I haven’t been home in 10 years and it’s killing me.

Two of my best friends recently came up with a good sum, like $100,000 or more. No one offered to give or lend me a dime. This hurts me a lot because I’ve always been generous when I had money. Do I have a right to feel hurt? How can I let this go so it doesn’t affect our friendships?

— SUFFERING IN COLORADO

LOVE SUFFER: Your feelings are your feelings and you have a right to them. However, it is unrealistic to expect your friends to give you the money to visit them. You might have better luck inviting her to visit you.

About dear Abby

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


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